Jan. 14, 2021 at 8:30 PM
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“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of
others are often stiffened.” (Billy
Graham)
POWERFUL: History is filled with stories of people who took a stand for what is right and changed history because of it.
Some Examples:
· Martin Luther King, Jr.
· Eleanor Roosevelt
· Rosa Parks
· Alice Paul
· Susan B. Anthony
· And many others.
You may not be able to change someone else’s history, but you can at least be someone who changes your own history.
Your Painful Past does NOT have to be your destiny.
· You can take a stand against the wrong behavior of other people who have harmed you.
· And when you do, you will feel empowered, rather than merely feeling like a helpless victim.
What should people do who are use to being abused physically or verbally?
· They need to be COURAGEOUS
· They need to SPEAK UP
· They need to TAKE A STAND to protect themselves
What does most abused (physically or verbally) people do?
· They back down when confronted
· They try to accommodate their abusers
· They question their own thoughts and motives
Story of an Abusive Man – Pg. 151
· Joyce Myers mentions a story of a man in a home
· His behavior is controlling, demeaning, and very quick to get angry when things don’t go his way.
· His wife is meek and tends to be fearful
· So she simply put up with his behavior for many years
· But she started finally standing up to hi8m
· Although they have a long way to go, he is treating her somewhat better.
· He has been getting counseling regarding his anger issue
· He actually admitted in a counseling session that since she is no longer willing to put up with his bad behavior and is confronting him, he is treating her better.
Most Controlling People – Page 152
· Will do whatever others are willing to put up with and although it would be much better and say more good things about their character if they treated others well because it is the right thing to do, they usually don’t.
· Abusers usually disrespect people who meekly put up with their bad behavior.
· A part of them actually wants someone to confront them.
· They may react badly at first, but in the long run it is the only way they will stop abusing.
· Some controlling people become even more angry and violent when confronted.
· Because Joyce’s mother never confronted her father, she not only hurt herself but also her children.
· Her excuse was that she was afraid.
· Fear is a feeling that serves to keep us from making progress or doing the thing we know that we should do.
· But we can STAND UP FOR OURSELVES even if we have to “do it afraid!”
Quote from Abraham Lincoln (bottom of page 152)
“Be sure your feet are in the right place and then stand FIRM!”
It’s important that we Take A Stand:
o We should take a stand but it needs to be done in the proper way.
o In the process of taking a stand, Joyce encourages us NOT to hurt others in the process. You will hurt others worst than you’ve been hurt.
o
That was Joyce Myer’s struggle: She would hurt
others trying to STAND UP for herself.
· Joyce Myer’s Testimony
o Just like Joyce, we must learn how to do things God’s way instead of our own way.
o If we are not careful while trying to take a Stand, we will become angry, unforgiving, rebellious, and controlling.
o Joyce was that person. She was bitter and controlling.
o But she was controlling. And she would have continued with that behavior had her husband Dave not confronted her.
o Dave wrote a book entitled: “Caring Enough to Confront”
o God used the book to let him know that it’s time to take a Stand concerning his controlling wife.
o Dave prayed for Joyce
Right Timing is critically important. – Pg. 153
We should always PRAY and LOOK FOR THE RIGHT TIME and place to confront.
· Dave prayed for Joyce for many years
· He knew she had behaved badly because she had been deeply hurt.
· Joyce truly believe that Dave’s prayers helped prepare her heart to change.
· God was working on Joyce and teaching her that she has come to the point that she needs to change.
· But Dave confronting her was the thing that she needed to take her issues seriously enough to start doing something about it.
The Abuser’s mindset
· Sometimes the abusers try to make others pay for what someone else did to them.
· The abuser feels like they are being deserted, mistreated, not loved, or not receiving all of the time they want.
· The abuser’s mind is set on ONLY WHAT THEY BELIEVE
· The abuser blames others for what is going on wrong in their life
· The abuser believes that if YOU CHANGE everything else will be perfect (even without them changing).
· This is wrong and unfair.
Joyce was afraid to allow Dave Authority over her
· She compared Dave to all the other men who have hurt her in her past.
· She had to realize that only God could pay her back for the pain in her past and that she needed to believe that her husband Dave wasn’t like the men who have hurt her.
STAND UP for Yourself
· Stand up for yourself but do it the RIGHT WAY.
· Don’t become ungodly while trying to deal with the ungodly behavior of others.
· Don’t become excessive with STANDING UP for yourself.
· Don’t allow Standing up for yourself make you better, hateful, angry, and/or unforgiving.
· In the story at the bottom of page 153, her motive is good, but her methods are not.
· She became rational.
· She started judging people through her pain
We need God’s Word – (middle of pg 154)
1. We need God’s Word to guide us into what is right.
2. We need a willing heart that will be obedient to it and view it as the supreme authority in our lives.
3. That is the only way we will know what the RIGHT BEHAVIOR looks like…Through God’s Word.
4. Then we can submit to God’s ways, knowing that in the end, they are always right and produce the best results.
Follow God, Not Man
We have many good examples of men and women in the Bible who stood up for themselves:
1. Daniel was a young man who trusted God and prayed 3 times daily with his windows open.
2. God was with Daniel and delivered him safely
3. He sent an angel to shut the lions’ mouth so they could not hurt Daniel
4. If you do things God’s way, you can be used by Him to help many other people who may be going through the same type of pain that you once did.
5. Rosa Parks followed her heart instead of the demands of men, and the results of her bold actions are still bearing witness today.
The Stress-Reducing Power of Being Assertive
The Story of Marcia Standing up at the Workplace
· She made an error at her job
· A Library trustee known for her bullying sent a harsh reprimand to Marcia concerning an error she made.
· The library copied the entire board to that email
· Marcia acknowledged the error and apologized for her mistake and asked that the trustee not to copy the entire board to the email to make her look bad.
· The next day, this bully of a boss showed up at the library and reprimanded Marcia in person, in front of her entire staff.
· Marcia snapped!!!
· She stood up and said, “As far as I’m concerned, this conversation is DONE. She said she told him “I apologized and it’s over!”
· Something interesting happened, Marcia showed assertiveness necessary for the job.
· Marcia never was the same again.
· She discovered the power of asserting herself and freed herself forever from being bullied, backstabbed, or walked on.
Meekness is a Quality that Jesus demonstrated
Although meekness is a quality that Jesus demonstrated, and one that He encourages each of us to develop, a true godly meekness is quite different from what the world calls meek.
True meekness is strength under control. It means that we have the power to do something, but we won’t move to do so unless God guide us to. Much of what the world calls meekness is just weakness and fear.
Going along to get along sounds like a peaceful approach to relationship and while that may be accurate at times, in reality, learning to be assertive when we need to, ask for what we want and need, say no when necessary, and demand due respect is more effective and less stressful.
When we take a stand for ourselves, we are setting boundaries.
When we stand up for ourselves we are not trying to control what other people do, but rather we are controlling what they do to us.
We are saying by our actions and words that we will no longer remain inactive while they bully or demean us. We are letting others know that we respect and value ourselves and that we expect them to do the same.
Do not confront someone about something in an email, text, or even on the phone. (Face-to-Face is best because that way our demeanor, facial expressions, and body language can be seen as our words are being heard.)
Something firm can be said with a smile and easier to receive than YELLING and FROWNING.
Keep your voice tones as kind as possible, but be firm and determined.
The bible says “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1 NIV)
It is usually best not to confront or be to assertive when we’re angry, because then the anger we are feeling, rather than the Holy Spirit, is controlling us.
Waiting to confront a situation doesn’t always work, but when it’s possible, it’s the best route.
When we know we are being disrespected?
When we know we are being mistreated or disrespected and we do nothing, it creates stress because we know it isn’t right, and we actually don’t like ourselves very much because we are allowing it. Doing things that our heart doesn’t agree with always creates stress, whether we are doing something that we know is wrong or not doing something that we know would be right.
The first step May be the Most Difficult
If your nature is to just be quiet when someone is yelling and/or disrespecting you, the first step toward healing is being more assertive and letting your voice be heard will be very difficult.
It may not work the first time, but keep trying. The only way a person will STOP abusing you are bullying you is when you CONFRONT them concerning their behavior.
No one has the right to YELL, HIT, DISRESPECT, or BULLY you with their words and/or anger.
Your confrontation may not change them, but it will change YOU. Don’t continue being abused…STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.
Don’t let the fear of taking a stand hold you back from being all you can be and doing all that you can do.
You will never be fulfilled and satisfied if you don’t fulfill your destiny.
YOU ARE FAR TOO VALUABLE to passively let anyone abuse or misuse you. It is time to take a STAND>